Let God Fix Your Spouse

Often the distraction and hurt comes from the people in life who are very close to you. Mothers, fathers, siblings, children, or best friends can often be the source. If you are married, the source often means your spouse.

Sometimes you can invite the hurt into your life that makes you want to build a strong wall around your heart. I hear someone saying, “Surely, not me! I don’t ever do that!” Actually, you probably have, and I will explain.

When you enter into a relationship with another person, you expect things of them. It can be good, as it helps establish healthy boundaries. However, your expectations often stem from an image of who you want that other person to be, not from who they actually are. When you expect more from a person than they can give, you set yourself up for hurt and disappointment. It is called unmet expectations, which can open the door for anger.

UNMET EXPECTATIONS

Expectations often stem from an image of who you want that other person to be, not from who they actually are.

Women often want a husband who is just like their loving, gentle father. Sometimes they want to rule the house like their mother did. Men have other expectations. When two people fall in love, they often ignore the differences in the beliefs and traditions they bring with them. All families are different and have their unique way of doing things. That means that in a new relationship, there are going to be areas of difference that will require compromise. No two people will always agree on everything, no matter how much they love each other. Even siblings raised in the same house don’t agree on everything. Husbands and wives from different backgrounds certainly aren’t going to either.

For the women reading this, whether you are currently married or have been married, I am going to ask you a question: How many of you have ever tried to “ x” your husband?

When I ask this question at a meeting, regardless of the size of the group, the answer is pretty much 100 percent, “Yes!” Every wife has tried to “ x” her husband. For some reason, women think that it is their God-given duty to do husband reclamation. Many men do this also, but generally speaking, after a few weeks of failed effort, they usually come to the realization that it is not going to happen.

This drive to x your spouse comes from expecting them to be someone they are not. You may also expect them to do something for you that, honestly, is not in their spousal job description.Women, please realize, it’s not your job to x your husband. Men, it’s not your job to x your wife. Let God do the changing. Lay your spouse at the foot of Jesus’s cross and let go.

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)

You must understand that God is the only one who can change a person’s heart. You can’t do it. Your frustration will just escalate as you fight a losing battle. Your responsibility is to purify and cleanse yourself.

Men, does there seem to be something hindering your prayers? Read 1 Peter 3:7 again. Reconsider your position and ask God what needs to be corrected.

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! (Psalm 133:1)

Husbands and wives usually try to x their spouses without success. By saying to your spouse, “You need to do this or you need to do that,” you only stir up rebellion, whether you are the male or the female. Your spouse will tend to do the opposite of what you want them to do, because taking such orders causes irritation. The best you’ll get is for them to do nothing. They’ll ignore you completely. By giving your spouse to God, you give Him permission to manage the situation.

You must understand that God is the only one who can change a person’s heart. You can’t do it. Your frustration will just escalate as you fight a losing battle. Your responsibility is to purify and cleanse yourself. My job is to be the best mother that I know how to be, loving my children and not trying to “x” them. As a wife, my job is to love my husband. It is not my job to x him. I can pray for him and allow God to change him—and me, if necessary. Occasionally, my complaints (comments, requests, prayers), result in an attitude change in me rather than in my husband. That’s not always fun, but it is reality.

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